Rejection after rejection
My 20 year career as a filmmaker
The film industry is definitely tough there is no doubt about that.. You get more losses than you do wins, that is for sure. I see it almost every day…and I certainly see it with my own career.
I remember in 2020 just as the pandemic was hitting so many actor/filmmaker friends of mine were about to start the biggest career changing project only to have it sidelined by Covid. And I felt for them because I have been working so diligently on my own career - waiting for the one thing that would change my career.
I did work a lot during Covid. Nothing that would change my career but I was very lucky to employed. I am still lucky to be employed right now as the industry is changing and adapting with so much uncertainty.
I need to point out that I am truly beyond grateful to be employed. Even with my crew job, I do not book anything BIG but I do book enough work to be able to pay my bills - and I feel very blessed.
But what I do not get is, I do not get any big wins. Because this industry gives more losses than wins.
Since the world has recovered from the pandemic [even though the industry still seems to be lagging] I have seen many of my friends posting again about getting their career changing projects. And I am happy for them - because they do deserve it.
I do not get those wins. I am one of the few that cannot seem to push my career forward in any direction: with writing, directing, or script supervising. And even though I am grateful to be employed…I think it is time to accept that maybe my career will never move forward.
It has been 20 years for me. I see people half my age and half my experience get twice as much. And who knows, perhaps it is because of my age. It is possible I have just aged out of this industry and that is just something I may need to accept.
I cannot afford to follow my dream anymore. I have sacrificed too much; lost many friends because I was focused on a dream that I was somehow convinced would come true.
Everyone tells me to be patient. That I deserve it. Remain optimistic.
Well I am trying. But every day I wake up and nothing happens is another did that I find it harder and harder to get out of bed; and harder and harder to remain patient and optimistic.
I suffered three big rejections this week. I am used to it. Like I said, I have more losses than wins. And I am so glad that from time to time I get a small win that reminds of why I do this.
But the small wins do not pay my bills. And they do not move my career forward….so as I face the end of 2025 and look forward to 2026 I need to figure out what the next steps of my life will be….